The Principles Underlying the Law of Forgiveness
It may sound unusual that I am referring to forgiveness as a law, but that is exactly what it is. Forgiveness is a spiritual or social law but when enacted, it can affect the material world. Just like the physical law of gravity, it is universal and unchanging. It has a set of properties, you can use again and again with positive results. As you read the actual experiences of my LOA students, it becomes obvious that “energy moves” when forgiveness is enacted by someone sincere.
We hear about the importance of forgiveness all the time, from our spiritual and religious leaders, our society, psychologists and sociologists. There are examples teaching its necessity in every major religion and spiritual belief system. For example, the Master Teacher Jesus said, “Love your enemies, and forgive those that persecute you.” He wasn’t just talking about a nice “spiritual thing” that you do for others. He was trying to convey the understanding that love and forgiveness actually contain a type of “packaged energy” within them. Energy travels in waves, therefore, on the physical level, you could compare the “packaged power” inherent to these two principles similar to that contained in a ray of sunshine, or even a molecule. Physicists now believe atoms in a molecule can present as a particles or as waves.
It was an epiphany for me to realize Jesus was trying to make clear the idea that truly and sincerely loving and forgiving your enemies, can move energy and literally “disarm” them. Now, that’s power! So many stories have been told about people who, under frightening circumstances, were able to get into that space of love and acceptance towards their assailant just as they were about to be assaulted, robbed and possibly even killed. They were all surprised when their would-be-attackers literally turned and walked or ran away.
During March 2005, this very principle was demonstrated by Ashley Smith from Atlanta, GA. While being held hostage, she gained the trust of Brian Nichols, who had just killed a judge and three other people. When asked how she handled this situation, she said, “I basically just talked to him and tried to gain his trust. I wanted to leave to go see my daughter. That was really important. I didn't want him to hurt anybody else.” While frightened for her life, Ashley was still able to get in a space of empathy and understanding. She talked with him about love of family and the importance of faith. In addition, she began to discuss with Brain Nichols about what he felt was his life’s purpose. She had so impressed her would be attacker, he replied, "I think it was to talk to people and tell them about you2."
The next morning, Brian allowed Ashley to leave freely to visit her daughter, knowing she could contact the police. Ashley did call 911, and even with several loaded guns in his possession, Brian offered no resistance as he left with authorities.
Through the sincere power of love and forgiveness, Ashley and others about to be assaulted were literally able to “disarm” their attacker. I believe, the vibration level they were emitting so increased when they brought forth true love and empathy, the would-be- assailant could not stand the energy change and had no choice but to put down their weapons, and in most cases, leave immediately. Can you begin to see that forgiveness is an actual strategy or tactic so powerful, so full of energy, that it can not only change the lives of individuals, but literally change the world if applied on a corporate level?
Forgiveness is HUGE, HUGE, HUGE!!!! I cannot stress enough how important the practice of this principle is in your life. If you only hear and act on one strategy I have taught, make sure it’s forgiveness. For years we have been taught to forgive, but were never taught “how,” or “the skill.” This chapter will teach you “How” to forgive yourself and others.
I added the Law of Forgiveness to my LOA workshops when I realized that some people where tying up and blocking much of the energy they needed to manifest their desired goals through their rage and resentment. This was especially true for people that were either divorced or going through a divorce. I found they had a lot of anger and unforgiveness towards their ex-spouse and any number of their “Ex’s” new significant others, whom they were sure where using money that rightfully belonged to them. Or, conversely, they were now the second or third spouse who was giving all their money to their current spouse’s “Ex,” whom again, they were sure was using it for their own pleasure and glory.
It was all about “Money and Ex’s, and Ex’s of Ex’s and Money,” which I soon discovered from my LOA students do not make a good mixture. I found that many participants could not manifest well until they fully invoked the Law of Forgiveness. When they unleashed all the energy they had tied up in unforgiveness, they began reaching their goals like crazy. Then, I discovered all participants manifested easier and faster when they invoked this Law, so I added it as a part of Step 4 to my workshop. It suddenly occurred to me that the release of personal grievances has a very significant role, even in a workshop on goal setting.
GUIDELINES TO ENACT OR INVOKE FORGIVENESS
When my workshop participants wanted to know “How To,” I developed these guidelines. Many participants said they had always wanted to forgive others, but just didn’t really understand “how,” or the “skill.” When I begin to teach this specific technique, the most amazing personal stories began pouring in. I have included a few of these example stories throughout this chapter of how personal forgiveness has had an immediate impact on participants of my Law of Attraction and Business Abundance for the Entrepreneur workshops. I have changed their names to protect privacy. Keep in mind that not one of these people contacted the person(s) they were forgiving. They said their affirmation in the privacy of their own home.
Although I have protected the confidentiality of the participants involved due to the sensitive nature of the subject matter, some have been so moved by their experience with the forgiveness technique, they said they would agree to a private interview to confirm the results.
Forgiveness is Something You Do for Yourself.
First and foremost, I discovered many people have lots of wrong ideas about forgiveness. They think to forgive someone means that what they did to hurt you was right. They believe you have to contact the other person and get them involved. They think that forgiveness is something you do for the other people; that it’s a selfless act. While all this is very noble sounding, it’s simply not true.
Forgiveness is actually a “selfish act.” This doesn’t mean it’s a negative act. Far from being negative, it’s one of the most loving and positive things you can do for yourself, as well as others.
I am surprised by the number of people in my workshops that are resistant to the whole idea of forgiveness, even when I explain it will free energy to make their dreams come true. Many people have been nursing old hurts for so many years, they seem like companions. I can remember the moment one of my LOA classes finally understood the concept that you forgive to bring “good” into your life, not for the other person. They said, “You really mean forgiveness is selfish? Oh good, then we’ll do it!”
“Trisha” was part of that LOA class. She had a failed first marriage for which she blamed herself. In addition, she had recently ended a relationship with a man she found cheating. This is the man she thought she would marry, and he owed her lots of money “to boot.” Needless to say, Trisha had some forgiving to do. Once she finally realized forgiveness would help her meet her own goals for the future, she was on board. Her goals were: a new relationship with a monogamous partner, a new job and a new house. Amazingly, she met a man with her required attributes in that very class. Considering this was a small LOA class with only five participants, made that feat even more astonishing. “Trisha” manifested a new job right away, and is now in the completion stage of a building a new house.
Forgiveness Breaks a Bond of Negativity that Keeps Energy Tied Up Between You and Another Person, or Persons.
Unforgiveness acts as a kind of “energy dam.” The negative energy between you and the person(s) of your unforgiveness actually creates a steel-like bond that keeps you tied to them. This negative energy attachment is stagnant and immobile, and keeps you from your highest good. Yes, lack of forgiveness keeps you “literally glued” on an energetic level to the last the person(s) in the world you want to be harnessed to. It may be difficult to believe that sincerely repeating a simple affirmation can free you from your bondage, but it can, and has been proven by many of my readers/participants.
“Jenny” was having trouble for years establishing a meaningful romantic relationship. She also felt she was working in a dead end job. Her troubles began after being terribly hurt by an ex-boyfriend she had not seen or heard from in eleven years. After saying the forgiveness affirmation, the very next day, her ex-boyfriend was literally in his car and saw “Jenny” driving near her house. He followed her home, got out and said, “I have wanted to apologize to you for years for the terrible way I treated you in our relationship. I saw you driving by and for some reason just felt a strong urge to stop and tell you this. I don’t expect anything in return. I just wanted you to know.” “Jenny” was absolutely shocked by this quick manifestation, but now feels she can mend and is actively looking for a new love for her life.
“To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.” Anonymous
Who Should You Forgive? How Do You Know You Need to Forgive Someone? What If Someone Needs to Forgive You?
You should forgive everyone you can remember, living or deceased, from the sandbox right through today. Then, say an additional forgiveness affirmation for anyone you may have forgotten.
You know you need to forgive someone if you feel (or think you might feel) anger, hurt, and/or resentment towards them. The first person that popped into your head when you read this is obviously the person you need to begin with, and then proceed in the order that people come to your mind. I can guarantee you that the person you’re most angry, resentful and unforgiving of, will pop into your head – first and fast.
In addition to her family (described later), “Torrie” said the forgiveness affirmation for a friend she had not heard from in three years after a disagreement. The very next day “out of the blue,” the friend, who lived eight hours away, called and asked to make up their differences. When “Torrie” asked what prompted the call, the friend said an earring “Torrie” had given her years ago suddenly fell by her feet from a bookshelf. When she saw the earring, she thought of “Torrie” and decided to make the call and mend their relationship. Being curious, “Torrie” asked what time the earring had fallen, and they determined it was the exact time when she was saying her forgiveness affirmation.
After experiencing this type of amazing energy movement, “Torrie” decided to say an affirmation for her Godfather, whose forgiveness she was seeking. She believed her Godfather had already passed on, but wanted to seek release for an old emotional wound.
If you have hurt someone and would like their forgiveness, you can still repeat the same affirmation substituting the words “I” or “Me” with the word “You,” or their name. You can still free energy by saying this affirmation. You can also send them my book with the forgiveness section flagged and let them know you are asking for their forgiveness.
You can also forgive institutions, political parties, governments, etc. However, remember that people run these organizations. When all the layers are peeled back, it is still a relationship that we are talking about. It is still a person or persons you are forgiving.
Upon Forgiveness, Energy Is Immediately Released to Bring Your Good.
When you invoke the Law of Forgiveness, the energy that has bonded you to another in a negative stagnant way is immediately released. It is now free to come into your life in a positive manner and bring your desires and highest good. There are always results from this important action. Sometimes the results seem no less than miraculous.
After working on forgiveness using the specific method I teach, some participants received money and/or other valuables from people or sources they hadn’t heard from in years. For those in business, results included more customers, profits and general prosperity. Relationships improved, sometimes dramatically, and some severely broken relationships were healed. Participants said that individuals they had forgiven in the privacy of their own home would call, email, or send them a check right “out of the blue.” The stories kept coming as more and more people discovered the positive benefits of this important technique.
“Kelly” attended my workshop in January of 2002, and again after I added the forgiveness technique. She was the first participant that reported to me the quick astonishing results that can happen using this tool. Since the January workshop, she had worked on several business goals with success. After using the forgiveness affirmation, she was blown away when she received a check in the mail for $25,000 from a ten-year-old lawsuit that had finally been settled.
After noting “Kelly’s” success, “Jim” decided to try the technique to collect an old business debt. “Jim” had angry feelings about a client that still owed him five hundred dollars after two years. At first, he was skeptical wondering how saying a special type of affirmation could solve this debt. However, since all else had failed, he decided it was worth a try. You can imagine his joyful amazement when he received a check in the mail from this client with the full payment one week later.
The Breaking of This Negative Bond and Releasing of This Energy Will Affect the Other Person(s) as Well.
“The great soul is the person who has taken on the task of change. If he or she is able to transcend fear, to act out of courage, the whole of it’s group will benefit and each one, in his or her own life, will be suddenly more courageous, though they may not see how or why.” – Gary Zukav3
While the person(s) being forgiven may not know what in the world hit them, they will experience the effects of the negative bond being broken and energy being released. The effects on them are usually positive as well. Their heart may be softened in ways people who describe them can’t believe. As stated previously, you may even receive a phone call, an email, a check, or even an apology, right out of the blue. People who interact with those they have forgiven through this affirmation say they are more positive, more pleasant and even nicer, some of them for the first time in years.
“Jane” had always experienced a troubled relationship with her mother,
“Mavis.” She said that she had never once heard her make a positive statement about anything. “Jane” struggled with self-esteem issues as she experienced constant negative berating. In addition to using the forgiveness technique, she decided to write a LOA goal affirmation to improve their relationship (see pgs. 151-154 in Develop Irresistible Attraction). She knew the LOA goal setting method worked, because she had attended the workshop several times and was experiencing tremendous success in starting her own business. She had more free assistance and new customers than she knew what to do with. Her income was rapidly growing with no end in site.
Regardless of her business success, “Jane” was nervous about trying the technique for her relationship with “Mavis” due to years of accumulated deep hurt. However, she bravely pushed forward, and scheduled a visit with her mother for the next week. After the visit, Jane told me it had felt almost surreal as “Mavis” was positive for the first time she could remember. “Jane” even asked if she had been placed on mood medication. “Mavis” said that she had not been placed on medication and really didn’t know why she was being positive, she just felt that way. Their relationship continued to improve. “Jane” later told me when it was her elderly mother’s time to die; she experienced a peaceful, loving and warm transition with her family by her side.
You Invoke the Law of Forgiveness by Saying and Making Real for You – Your Affirmation about Forgiveness.
A sample affirmation is written on page 92 of my book, Develop Irresistible Attraction, or (page 11 of this article) for you to invoke or enact forgiveness. To make it real, you must feel sincere. In other words, you can’t say something like, “I forgive you, you old so and so, I loose you, you mean thing, and let you go, you no good such and such person, etc, etc.” I would recommend saying the affirmation as it is written, as it has proven so successful with numerous LOA students. Remember if you change the words around to continue to justify your anger such as, “I forgive you for not being the person I wanted you to be,” or something similar, this means you are not willing to entirely “release” and “let go.” Therefore, you will not receive the full benefits of complete forgiveness.
You Do Not Need to Contact the Other Person or Person’s to Let Them Know You Have Forgiven Them Unless You So Choose.
It is not necessary to contact the other person or persons for the forgiveness to work. For some people sexually abused as children, it may not even be appropriate to contact the person. You can freely forgive as many people as you choose right in the privacy of your own home. Most participants and readers are relieved when they learn they do not need to contact the other person(s).
Some people choose to contact the person(s), and that is fine too. However, again, it is not necessary for the process to work. Usually, the person for whom the affirmation is being said is quite surprised to hear they are being so freely forgiven.
When “April” attended her first LOA workshop in 2004, nothing was going right. Her life felt broken, and she felt helpless to pull it together. “April” said she was actually relieved to learn the forgiveness technique was a tool she could use to release her father, who had molested her as a child. To add to her woes, her marriage had failed, followed by bad relationships, leaving her with a deep mistrust in men. She also had money and job/career problems.
“April” carried deep seated anger for her father whom she had not seen or spoken to in three years. After enacting the forgiveness technique, the very next week, her father called and asked to see her. When he visited with “April,” he said something that most pedophiles never confess. He said, “I was wrong in my actions, and I know they hurt you. I am very sorry, and, please forgive me.” “April” said this interaction with her father has totally turned her life around. For the first time she can remember, she feels healed, whole and able to lead a happier life. Since that time, she has begun her own successful beauty and spa business. April has experienced such a tremendous transformation, when I spoke with her most recently, she is now planning a career working with troubled young people teaching them the LOA method for healing.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation of the Relationship are Two Different Processes. You Do Not Have to Reconcile the Relationship in Order to Forgive.
“Forgiveness doe not mean approval. It involves a willingness to see with new eyes – to understand and let go. They did what they did out of their own weakness. You did not deserve it. They could not teach you what they did not know. They could not give you what they did not have.” – Dr. Louise Hart4
I am restating this because it is an important point. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It doesn’t mean the other person was correct in their actions that hurt you. If they were correct, they wouldn’t have wounded you in the first place. You may or may not choose to reconcile the relationship. Forgiveness will work whether you choose to mend the relationship or not.
It is also important to remember forgiving someone is not an open invitation for them to abuse you again. You are not condoning their behavior through this process. One of your relationship goals would now be worded, “I now attract healthy relationships into my life.” Then, you list the attributes of a healthy relationship such as: “treats me with respect, values my opinion, is considerate and kind, etc.”
Many participants and readers are surprised how easy and effortless the forgiveness technique works. Those who had been angrily struggling with forgiveness issue for years had become convinced they had to “work hard” and persistently to obtain any kind of results. Most were frustrated and disillusioned, because after years of trying everything, they still were “stuck” and had not received their rightful due or met their goals.
“Jamey” was one of those disillusioned people who had tried for years without success to receive child support payments. “Jamey” had as her original LOA goal to receive $1000.00. She had been in the class for two weeks when she said the affirmation of forgiveness. The very next week, she received a check for $500.00 from her ex-husband who was an unemployed musician and had never sent a child support payment in thirteen years. Since that time, she received the other $500.00 in savings when she purchased a rare item she had desired for some time. It is truly remarkable that the forgiveness technique “Jamey” used was able to accomplish what all the government laws in the country and lawyers could not.
Once you’ve witnessed the tremendous transformation forgiveness can bring to your own life, you can teach others. PM has been working with the technique experiencing such remarkable results, she decided to teach a neighbor. On February 01, 2006, she sent me an email that said:
Hi Connie:
I wrote my neighbor's forgiveness affirmation for her. I told her it works for you and is about you, not the person who hurt you. She had gotten a bad settlement from her ex-husband and had been struggling with money for years. She wrote him a letter and told him it was unfair and how she has been struggling, etc. After she used your Forgiveness Technique, her ex-husband called her "out of blue" and bought a house for her. The reason your technique is so mind blowing and amazing is that their divorce was 11 years ago. It was not until she said her forgiveness affirmation that he stepped up to the plate. The house goes to the grandchildren when she dies. I'm telling you, "That is big energy moving there." Your forgiveness technique works!!!!! Thanks for sharing these major life-changing tools!!!!
Gratefully yours,
P.M.
You Can Repeat the Affirmation of Forgiveness For the Same Person(s) as Many Times as You Need.
Most people want to know, if repeating the affirmation one time is enough. Well, if you never see the person, it may be. However, if you are in frequent contact, my guess is that they are going to make you mad or hurt your feelings again at some point. So feel free to invoke the Law of Forgiveness as many times as you need, even everyday.
Even if you’re still angry, resentful, or experiencing the grieving process, I encourage you to continue to say the forgiveness affirmation. Remember, you are still activating energy and moving closer to achieving results.
“Rhoda” can definitely be described as a “go-getter, and self starter.” She is a powerful woman who has begun several successful businesses over the years. When she talked about her husband she had been married to for over a decade, her anger was palatable. Her face flushed red, as her teeth clenched, and her jaw tightened. She said that her husband had made some bad money decisions and wasn’t holding up his end of the bargain in assisting her with their new home and businesses. She felt her businesses were suffering as a result with decreased profits. After “Rhoda” stated the affirmation of forgiveness regarding her anger towards her husband, her business sales increased by thirty percent in one month.
Many people compartmentalize their lives thinking their business and personal relationships are separate. Even I was surprised by how business success increased rapidly when participants used the forgiveness technique for relationships.
Forgiveness is Freeing. Imagine a Huge Boulder That Has Been Weighing You Down is Removed from Your Shoulders or from Around Your Neck.
When you have sincerely invoked the Law of Forgiveness, you are releasing so much powerful energy, you can imagine a huge weight or boulder, and a heavy burden is being removed from your shoulders or neck. Now you feel lighter and freer than you have in a while. Enjoy the lightness, the vibrancy, the freedom this process brings.
“Torrie” had a dark childhood. She was raised in a family from Manhattan, New York who had been wealthy for generations stemming back to England. Her ancient family crest reads “peace through war.” Therefore, you get the picture; this wasn’t exactly a crowd actively seeking a tranquil lifestyle. While mostly raised by a nanny, “Torrie” had alcoholic parents who constantly fought, ignored their children and sued other wealthy relatives as a pastime and hobby. By the time I met “Torrie,” her parents and most other family members had already died. Torrie had been so negatively affected by her childhood; it took her an entire year to fully work through forgiveness for her parents and family. Her business had become completely stagnant and she was in deep debt. She stood, and walked with her shoulders slumped over, looking at her feet. However, once “Torrie” was able to forgive, immediately, her business improved and she felt as if a ton of pressure had been lifted off her shoulders. Her posture straightened, and she no longer looked at her feet when she walked. Her businesses improved dramatically and is literally “booming.” In addition, her life’s purpose has become clear, and she has become more prosperous than she ever imagined.
Self-Forgiveness
It is just as important to forgive yourself as it is to forgive others. When you forgive yourself, energy is free to come into your life and bring your highest good and manifest your desired goals. Both “Trisha and “April” mentioned earlier said that working on self-forgiveness for their failed marriages was an important part of their healing process.
“The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves; we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant of others when we forgive ourselves. It is not love of self but hatred of self which is at the root of the troubles that afflict our world.” – Eric Holfer5
“HOW TO” Invoke or Enact the Law of Forgiveness
First, set aside a quite time when you are least likely to be interrupted. Turn off any disruptive electronic equipment. Make sure any people who live with you know not to interrupt, and ensure your pets are settled. Sit or lie in a comfortable place and position. Bring the person you wish to forgive into your mind’s eye. As much as possible, see them happy and surrounded by healing light. If you have a number of people to forgive, you may wish to complete this in several sessions.
Bring each person into your mind’s eye one at a time, and say the forgiveness affirmation to each of them. Then, visualize them smiling sincerely and accepting your forgiveness. When you say, “and all again is well between us,” this means “the energy is now released.” It doesn’t mean you’re now “buddy buds.” Next, see that person walking off a stage or out a door, and bring the next person into your mind’s eye. You can say the affirmation aloud or silently. It should be stated something like this:
“I forgive you completely and freely, I loose you and let you go. So, as far as I’m concerned, the incident that happened between us is finished forever. I wish the best for you; I wish for you your highest good; and I hold you in the light. I am free and you are free, and all again is well between us. Peace be with you.”
Adapted from Catherine Ponder6
Take a Deep Breath! You Did It!!!
Now you have a tool to use anytime you need to “let go” and free yourself through forgiveness. As stated previously, when you have truly forgiven, the blessing you will receive from this process usually comes rather quickly, within a week or less. This is the powerful lesson I learned from my workshop participants on my way to personal development that has changed my life forever.
Forgive Locally, Reap the Benefits Globally
In conclusion, it is my firm belief that the power of forgiveness is real whether it is enacted on a personal level, between individuals, or on a more corporate level between nations. I also believe the type of forgiveness that is needed to achieve a lasting world peace begins with a decision made by each individual to let go of their own personal grievances. First, we must forgive all the people we feel have wronged us. When we are able to let go of our own hurts and resentments, we enable others to do the same. This process is made a little easier now that we know for certain in return, we shall receive a blessing.
The greatest blessing will be achieved when the ripple of energy freed through each individual act of forgiveness combines to create a great groundswell the nations of the world can no longer ignore. On that day, without great fanfare, no rifle shots to be heard, giant armored walls of hatred and separation will fall, and weaponry will be turned into plowshares, pruning hooks and artwork. The citizens of the world will be awestruck wondering how this peace could have been achieved so quietly. They will finally come to understand true and lasting peace can only come through the “kingdom within.”
It is my hope that all I have learned about forgiveness can be directly applied to the broken relationships between the people and countries of our world and true healing can result bringing in a new era of personal and global peace and reconciliation.
About the Author: Connie is an author of the inspirational book, Develop Irresistible Attraction. She is also a personal coach, trainer, speaker, public health educator and registered nurse. She has eighteen years experience in business, health promotion and wellness education. Connie owns a successful consulting business providing education, training, grant writing, curriculum development, and program coordination for agencies, organizations, and businesses. She provides education and training programs on a variety of topics for women, youth, parents, teachers and other professionals. She also has training and experience as a support group facilitator, educational counselor, and motivational speaker. Connie is comfortable in front of a camera and microphone. She has been interviewed on local radio and news shows. She was recently featured on Waking Up With Carolyn Craft on Lime Radio/Sirius Satellite Radio. She was also recently interviewed by Triangle Natural Awakenings magazine. She received her B.S. in Nursing from Florida State University and a Master of Public Health from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She lives in Raleigh, NC with her husband and two children.
Connie is a Partner of www.triangleinternational.com and can be reached at www.conniedomino.com
BIBLIOGRAPHY
- Vanzant, Iyanla. One Day My Soul Just Opened Up. Simon and Schuster, 1998.
- Ex-hostage: ‘I wanted to gain his trust.’ CNN News. 8 March 2005. 18 February 2006 <http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/03/14/smith.transcript/index.html>
- Zukav, Gary. Thoughts from the Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster, Inc., 1994
- Hart, Louise. The Winning Family: Increasing Self-Esteem In Your Children and Yourself. Lifeskills Press, 1990.
- Hart, Louise. The Winning Family: Increasing Self-Esteem In Your Children and Yourself. Lifeskills Press, 1990.
- Ponder, Catherine. The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity. Devorss Publications, 1996.
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